A key distinction between introverts and extroverts is that introverts’ energy and attention tends to focus inward and extroverts’ energy and attention tends to focus outward. How does this play out in relationships? Extroverts are more likely to put the responsibility for problems and issues onto external conditions and other people (outward focus) and introverts are more likely to take the responsibility on (inward focus). So the result often is that introverts are blamed and take the blame – while extroverts point the finger.  Hmm . . . dangerous dynamic for both introverts and extroverts!  Of course these are “tendencies” and there are many examples when this is NOT the case. Yet the trend in this direction exists.

Introverts are reflective and tend to regularly examine our own behavior and how we can do things differently. This is a great asset. Yet when in relationship with extroverts we need to also hold them responsible for how their behavior is contributing to the dynamic. Think of a tennis match. As a player you are responsible for hitting the ball when it is on your side of the net. You cannot run around to the other side of the net and hit the ball. That is you taking on all the responsibility. Where does it get you? 

Is there a relationship in your professional or personal life where you are currently playing both sides of the net? If so – step back. What would happen if you only took responsibility for your side of the net?