Introverts are internally focused.  We process our lives and world internally.  And we do that well!  Thinking things through, analyzing every move we make, rehearsing in our head what we may say to someone, uncovering every nook and cranny of our minds.  We are very busy and often entertained with our inner life.  The net result is that we tend to know ourselves well.  I’ve always felt self-aware and proud of that fact.  It is one of the ways my introverted style was appreciated by others.

Yet here is a shadow side.  When we make a decision based on all that extensive internal thinking those around us are often stunned.

You WHAT?!?!?”

They haven’t heard a word or two about this decision since we didn’t share and they aren’t living in our heads.  At times it doesn’t cross our minds to share.  Other times we are afraid if we share then others will talk us out of it.  And then other times we simply don’t want to share.  These are my thoughts.  This is my decision.

Extroverts are externally focused.  They make decisions and understand what they are thinking and feeling by talking things through with others.

So notice the potential for misunderstanding and conflict as our different temperaments collide.

Extroverts can come across as needy or pushy to introverts.  Introverts can come across as cold-hearted or non-collaborative to extroverts.

I’ve seen this dynamic between friends and lovers.  I’ve experienced it myself repeatedly.

Recently our pediatrician sent a few sentence letter to all her patients saying something like “I am retiring.  It was great working with you.  We will send files.”

“You WHAT?!?!?!”

That’s it.  The end???  We’ve taken Nicki there since birth.

And while I don’t know if she is an introvert for sure – my hunch is that she is and it had something to do with the way she handled the situation.

Now – I can hear your thoughts as I write.  “That is simply rude and disrespectful.”  And that was certainly my initial reaction.  But knowing her for 6 years she is not a rude and disrespectful person.  She is kind and responsive and an excellent doctor.

And while I imagine there was something else going on in her life to make a quick decision so abruptly – what if it wasn’t abrupt for her?  What if she had been chewing on this for months or a year?

Have you found yourself in a similar scenario?  Where you ended up stunning a loved one as you made a decision that for them was totally out of the blue?