My youngest of three cats is a stunningly gorgeous calico who looked like an eternal kitten.

When I went to the SPCA to bring a new feline home my friend Kevin came with me.  The only two preferences I had was to adopt a girl kitten and calicoes were off limits.

“I am open to anything as long as it is not a calico.” I declared to Kevin.

They looked weird to me with those disorganized markings on their faces.  Turns out there were lots of kittens to choose from.  After handling a few I found one I was ready to call mine.  Kevin set me straight however.  “You can’t pick one until you’ve met them all!”

“Okay.”  That seemed reasonable enough.

So onward I looked and petted.  Picking each one up.

There was an 8 week old tiny fur ball who licked my lips when I brought her close.  That was it.  Love at first lick.

And that’s how I came to be mom of a calico.

It was the year the women’s soccer team played in the world cup and I got to see a game live.  The super awesome goalie was named Briana Scurry.

“Hmm . . . Scurry.  What a perfect name for the new kitten.  And it was.  She owned it with emphasis.  Scurrying everywhere and from everyone.

My motivation for a third cat was purely strategic.  My older two, Wellsley and Hamilton, were like oil and water (no they are NOT named after the colleges).  Wellsley was a self-possessed cat with a strong sense of taste and she had no taste for other felines. To her Hamilton was a bother and she did not want to be bothered.

Hamilton felt it.  He was social, curious and affectionate.

When I planned a three week trip to Thailand I thought “I can’t do this to Hamilton.  He needs a buddy, someone who adores him (or at least doesn’t hiss at him).”

The master plan was hatched.  “I will get a female kitten and they can be buddies.”

Don’t you love it when master plans actually work?!?!?!

It was like magic.  Hamilton and Scurry were inseparable.  Hunted together.  Sat under the azalea bushes together.  Cuddled during those endless lazy hours of sleeping, which is every feline’s favorite past time.  He spooned her, wrapping his paw around her.  I know – too cute!

When not with her big brother Scurry was quiet and stayed to herself.  She enjoyed alone time and was subtle in communicating her needs.  Quite different from our other three cats (we adopted a 4th cat named Romeo – a long but basically altruistic story).

Because we had three other cats and Scurry was so understated it was easy to overlook her.

She had a way of approaching us for attention that we nick named the “Scurry dance”.  She would come close and after one or two strokes she would move away.  Then she’d come back with a small meow and head butt.  We would stroke her and again she would move away.  This would continue multiple times until Scurry settled nearby just barely out of reach.

For me it was both sweet and maddening.  I found it difficult to give her the love she craved.  I’d feel frustrated or unsure.  “Do you want attention or not?!?!”

And while my heart hurts as I write this, again it was easy to overlook her.

Scurry died yesterday.  She was 16 and had developed cancer.  I was by her side for nearly every moment since Sunday when she started to deteriorate.  As her body slowly shut down her habitual tendency to tip toe around attention disappeared.  Instead she received the love with noticeable clarity.

When I left her side she would meow as if to say “Stay with me.  Come back.”

I responded with equal clarity.  “Yes I am here with you Scurry.”

Our time together was heartwrenchingly beautiful and intimate.  We were giving and receiving with ease.  This experience of the last two days of Scurry’s life is a powerful teacher.

I am left with a cascade of feelings (guilt, loss and sadness being most salient at the moment).  I am also reflecting on how similar I am to Scurry.  In what ways do I do the “Scurry dance?”  How can I open to asking for and receiving love with more ease?  And how can I reach out more determinedly to the understated people in my life.  How can I make that extra effort to love them?

How does this relate to introversion? Remember the theme of introverts feeling overlooked?  Introverts also have a tendency to hoe it alone and figure things out in our own minds.  We are typically not as overt about our needs as our extroverted counterparts.

So dear reader – perhaps you can also benefit by asking yourself the following two questions:

1) Where in my life can I open to and receive love with ease?

2) How can I reach out more determinedly to the understated people in my life and make the extra effort to love them?