Dear friends – The posts are few because I have been silently grieving since we received a phone call that we lost a precious family member on Christmas Eve. My bother’s 22-year-old son, Brian, lost his battle with addiction after being tortured by it for years. The shock and grief is enormous for all. At first I felt it so viscerally in my body which collapsed in on me and every movement was like moving through fast drying cement. I felt grief for the loss of my nephew. I felt grief for the loss that my brother Bill and his family are experiencing. I felt grief for every other parent who lost a beloved child to addiction or for any other reason. Losing a child is devastating.
Attending the funeral and celebration of life my bother’s family so beautifully orchestrated was healing in a way I hadn’t expected. They are holding his death with so much love, compassion and grace. And invited all of us to do the same. Death is part of life and one of the few realities all humans share. When it happens grief rips our hearts open – and if we allow that openness to be there as my bother has – than we can touch another so deeply. Bill did that over and over with each person who attended the funeral and celebration of life. When we connect from our basic vulnerability, without airs, masks, or pretense – we are real. And in this realness we experience a love like no other – one that is generous and healing.
“When it happens grief rips our hearts open – and if we allow that openness to be there as my brother has – than we can touch another so deeply. . .”
That is such a powerful message — recipe even — for intimacy. Trusting others enough to be vulnerable in that way lets you reap the love that people are wanting to give. Being vulnerable gives those around us license and permission to love you in a real way and, one hopes, courage to be vulnerable in the same way themselves.
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My prayers are with you and your family. What a brother you have to help the others in their grief and heal himself.
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Sending you and your family much love, Jeanine. Thank you for sharing. I know how difficult it is to share such deep reflection on such a raw and emotional issue. Continue to take care of you.
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